The Night Before Pufflemas
by Parlanchina
Summary: A very silly poem that got a bit out of hand, Hogwarts style. Based in the DFA, AGVoS and TCS universe, so there's cameos from some of our favourite miscreants, including Amelia, Remus and Severus. Originally a present for MuggleCreator. Apologies to Clement Clarke Moore, and to anyone waiting patiently for the next part of TCS. Merry Solstice, everyone! AU Complete!


**This was a poem I wrote for last year's Secret Odin (which is like a Secret Santa, but with more chaos) among the Glitterati, for my good friend MuggleCreator, who has kindly allowed me to reproduce it here for you now. Many of the Glitterati make an appearance, too! It got a little out of hand… ahem.**

 **Merry Solstice!**

 **0o0**

 **The Night Before Pufflemas**

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Hufflepuff house

Not a creature was stirring*, except for one Puffling, who, quiet as a mouse,

Crept past the stockings, hung around the stove with care,

In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there;

The students were nestled all snug in their four-poster beds;

While visions of sugar-plums and flying cars danced in their heads.

This Puffling was not tired, no – not tonight,

She had business abroad, and so with her wand-tip alight,

Out of the barrel-door, stealthy she crept,

Past the door to the kitchens, behind which slept,

Two hundred House Elves, or more – give or take,

Conserving their energy before a Yule Feast they would make.

The portraits were slumbering, too, in their frames,

Too tired to give much thought to night games.

0

Out into the Entrance Hall, quietly she slipped,

Past the door to the Dungeons, where she almost tripped.

Fast-striding footsteps were approaching her,

So she hid herself behind a tall suit of armour.

Around the corner, his robes in a swirl,

Strode Professor Snape, all in a whirl.

Someone had covered his robes in green glitter,

"That bloody woman won't know what's hit her!"

She heard him mutter, his face in a scowl,

"And the werewolf, too!" he also did growl.

He hurried towards the stairs, double-quick,

Presumably to enlist the help of one Filius Flitwick.

She waited a while for his footsteps to fade,

Then passed through the arch, so gaily arrayed,

With Emerald tinsel, the badge of that house,

Whose head was quite a legendary grouse.

She slipped into his office, as quick as a flash

And set up a confetti bomb deep in the ash

Of the fire beneath his largest cauldron,

Then, dusting her hands at a job so well done,

She snuck back out, past the potions classroom,

Which was not quite as empty as you first may assume.

0

She spied several Slytherins with whom she got on,

Ranged around the longest bench, whereupon

A game of Exploding Snap was well underway.

They saw the Puffling and asked her to stay.

She played a couple of rounds, forming a team

With Mina and Lucy and fair Apolline.

They won some and lost some, and played a few hands

Before Damon and Rani were forced to withstand

The force of the blast, but luckily they

Had the foresight to charm a few shields in the way.

They laughed and decided to play one round more,

When Myssy and Mari stuck their heads round the door.

Their grumpy Professor was on his way back,

So quickly and deftly collecting the stack

The Slytherins bade our brave Puffling goodbye,

And right up the corridor, away she did fly.

0

Towards the greenhouses she quickly did run,

For her Christmassy pranks she had only begun.

Decorating the plants in the greenhouse with flair,

She wrapped lots of tinsel around the top chair

And fed the Tentacula a sandwich,

So it would allow her to prank the good witch

In charge of the Greenhouse, good old Prof Sprout,

Whose sense of humour nobody could doubt.

She left the glasshouses well satisfied,

But behind a big statue was then forced to hide,

When old Mrs Norris, that dreadful spy-cat

Prowled on right past her, intent on a spat

With unwary students who were breaking the rules.

0

She let her pass by and readied her tools;

In the Transfiguration classroom she caused a snowstorm

Allowing several deep drifts for to form,

Then up towards Charms she sped then, in fact,

Before the Grey Lady could catch her in the act.

'Gainst pranks Master Flitwick was usually armed

But this night she really quite craftily charmed

All the benches and tables, and the Professor's small seat

Into gingerbread, with gummies and icing so sweet,

Taking a moment to sample her work,

She heard a faint sound which made her head jerk

Around to discover two quick Ravenclaws,

Both doubled up in helpless guffaws.

To Novi and Emilie she gave a deep bow,

And the prank, they declared, was likely to wow.

She asked them why they were both carrying a shovel

And they told her they had been out, building a tunnel

To stretch 'round the Earth so they always could meet,

Where good friends and family could all find their feet.

She left them by the door to Muggle Studies

And they slipped through a heavy tapestry

Concealing the passage towards their house tower

Embroidered all o'er with carnivorous flowers.

0

In this next classroom much havoc was wreaked

For 'twas in Muggle Studies her mischief was piqued

When Professor Brown a challenge had set

To enliven the holiday – she'd said it was a bet

With her husband, the master of duelling defence

And she'd told them they ought to spare no expense

On the prank, for he'd said (being an ex-Maruader)

Their detention slips he'd be prepared to launder,

Assuming his teenage pranks they could outdo.

Now, what was a self-respecting Hufflepuff to do?

When presented with such a test, she simply _must_ shine,

Which was why she knew her teachers would whine

When first thing tomorrow they discovered their folly

For asking their students to make Christmas more jolly.

Brown and Lupin she knew would probably laugh,

As would the majority of the castle's staff –

And who would suspect a quiet, friendly Puffle

Of ever being able to make such a kerfuffle?

She left Brown's classroom covered in garlands

Of holly and baubles and pine cones from England,

And twinkling strings of bright fairy lights,

Then hurried on up another few flights.

0

For Trelawny she enchanted all her crystal balls

To float up at the ceiling and cover the walls

In pale, shining light which made all the ice

She had charmed about to look rather nice,

Sparkling silvery throughout the tower

And glitter all over everyone to shower.

Next back down the ladder she quickly did slide

And took a shortcut to make the outside.

She hurried on down to Hagrid's dark hut,

And presented dear Fang with a fine, juicy cut

Of meat as a payment for his complicity

In her mission to spread maximum felicity.

She covered the pumpkin patch with tinsel

Even winding it round the big dragon skull,

And dusted the hut with glittering snow,

Adding reindeer horns to Fang for a show.

She hurried back in for the night was quite cold

And she had work to do before all was toll'd.

0

For Dumbledore's office she ran up to next,

And having consulted the secretive text

Of sweets in the library they kept for this cause

Could guess at the password quite without pause.

Fawkes greeted her warmly, recognising her goal

And helped her decorate to gladden the soul

Of that old Professor we all love and trust,

Who (most of the time) thinks our welfare's a must.

She fitted his office with a holiday spread

She'd collected at Honeydukes to delight the head

Of the school who worked so hard to keep them safe

Though his rules did sometimes make people chafe.

0

Outside, again, there arose such a clatter

She sprang behind a tapestry to see what was the matter.

Along the corridor came an old poltergeist

Singing loudly and badly and distributing ice

All over the floor to make people trip.

"When Filch sees this," she thought, "he's going to flip!"

Sure enough, came a shout and a speedy caretaker,

Who slipped on the ice and near met his maker!

He got to his feet and yelled at the ghost

Who raised his blood pressure right up – more than most.

He stuck out his tongue and vanished through the wall

Whereupon poor Argus once more he did sprawl.

He crawled away on his hands and knees,

Swearing revenge and rattling his keys.

The Puffling tutted and rolled up her sleeves –

It was never good to be on the wrong side of Peeves.

0

Up in the tower where they studied the stars,

She charmed up a shield before opening jars

Filled with fairies and bright holly branches.

She strew them around in that place where romances

When class was not in most often did bloom,

Reflecting it could be Hogwarts' most visited room.

Ancient Runes was treated to hundreds of vines

Of mistletoe, 'neath which lover's hands could entwine,

She ran into a Gryffindor on a travelling staircase

And swapped tips on where hazards were, just in case.

They shared a Butterbeer on the fabled third floor,

Before Meag took her leave and she was alone once more.

0

Defence Against the Dark Arts was her last port of call,

Her pièce de résistance, the great sum of all,

For to impress a Marauder all stops you must pull

And come morning he'd find his class particularly full

Of oversized presents (the furniture, wrapped)

And a ridiculously large Christmas tree, scent of sap.

The skeletal dragon she hung with candy canes

And all manner of sweets. She took great pains;

His proverbial sweet-tooth 'round Hogwarts was famed.

Well-pleased with her work and feeling quite tired

From the classroom this Puffling quite quickly retired.

Outside the Great Hall she ran into a pickle

(Which shows that luck can be really quite fickle)

When Alastor Moody, complete with a sack

Came in from the cold, dusting snow off his back.

He grumbled and sorted through the sack full of presents,

And the Puffling decided a really more pleasant

Surrogate Santa could likely be found.

0

As towards the guest rooms Moody went with a bound,

She was about to leave her scant hiding place

When out of the Great Hall at a leisurely pace

Strolled Professors Lupin and Brown, arm in arm,

Congratulating one another on a fine use of Charms.

The Great Hall it seemed would be subject to cheer

Though the Puffling hadn't set her sights so near;

Her teachers, she decided, had something afoot,

Or there'd be no reason for them to put

A foot out of their rooms so late that Eve,

So she shook her head and waited for them to leave.

The troublesome adults were close to the stairs

When Amelia paused and turned back to stare,

To the brave Puffling's horror, towards her hiding place.

Expecting the worst, she screwed up her face,

But, unexpected, the scarred fellow said, "Mel,

Don't stop her now – she's doing quite well!

And if we catch her we'll have to undo all

The chaos she's wrought, which won't be a ball."

His wife rolled her eyes at his chivalrous ways

And, with a grin, averted her gaze.

She turned back before they were quite out of sight,

Causing that Puffling a little more fright,

But before dark thoughts of capture she could think,

Her Professor gave her a conspiratorial wink!

0

Back towards the safety of common room and bed,

The wandering Puffling took the chance then to head,

Whereupon when she opened the common room door,

She was startled to find herself on the floor!

Hit in the midriff by two other Puffles,

It wasn't long before they ended the scuffle.

"We noticed you were out and about," Lauren said,

"And Christmas Eve's no time to languish in bed.

So we snuck into the kitchen and cooked up a surprise!"

Grinning, Karelin directed Clare's astonished eyes

To a pile of sweet treats, and good Christmas food.

"And you know," Kare said, "to refuse would be rude."

0

Having eaten their fill and, beginning to doze,

Outside the common room there abruptly arose

A clamour of hooves on the grounds outside;

They sprang to their feet and tore the curtains aside.

The moon, on the breast of the new-fallen snow,

Gave the lustre of midday to objects below,

When, what their wondering eyes should enthral,

But a thumping great sleigh, pulled along by Thestralls**,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

Conversing gaily with Nearly Headless Nick.

"He must have stopped for directions," the Pufflings declared,

"Or else studied here, and stopped in for a dare!"

0

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!

On Comet! On Cupid! On Donner and Blitzen!

To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!

Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"

Up into the night and away they all flew

Leaving three Hufflepuffs on this image to stew.

They climbed up the stairs and away to their beds,

Excited to know Christmas magic ain't dead.

0

And in the morning, when her traps came to pass,

The Puffling quietly had occasion to laugh,

As Professor Lupin, his promise not to slough,

Sneakily gave points to Hufflepuff!

0o0

* Which was unusual for Hogwarts, but there had been a fairly chaotic snowball fight that day, followed by a substantial feast. Consequently, most people were unconscious.

** See 'An Epic Christmas Tale, Chapter One' by the Mudbloods.


End file.
